Wednesday, December 4, 2013

Hurts so Good

I asked for an honest life.  I asked for the ability to see more clearly where there is duplicity in my life.  Flat on my back, weak, and sore is where I get my honesty check.  I am so annoyed when I get sick.  How dare life obstruct my way when "I'm on a roll." ?

Yesterday was one of those days.  It started with a migraine the night before.  Next morning when my alarm went off I sat up on the side of my bed and just sat there.  Did someone put the Halloween pumpkin on my pillow last night while I was sleeping?  It felt like I was trying to balance my own head so I wouldn't tip back over right into my pillow.  Okay. Not a good sign for the day. 

Despite the morning ritual which begins with coffee and reading, I still just sat there trying to wake up.  My exercise buddy is faithful to pick me up in the morning for our workouts.  It wasn't going to happen.  My body would not cooperate.  Arrrgh!  I hate being weak! 

After my hissy fit with myself, it was clear to me that I would be doing nothing but laying on my couch and resting.  Okay then.  I might be on my back but at least I can still read. Ha.  Ever try to read after a bad migraine?  Forget about it. 

It's going to be a Podcast day.  It was.  I've been recently following a new guy, Sirini Rao over at Blogcast FM.  If I can't exercise my body, at least I can do some mental squats.  You know, the kind that hurt so good?  Well, I wasn't disappointed.  I listened in and out for hours of him interviewing some great writers/thinkers.  I was so groggy for most of the day that I wasn't sure who I was hearing but it was all good.  Danille Leporte, Greg Hartle, Justine Musk, to name a few. 

What do they all have in common?  Many things, but one thing stands out.  Each has a driving desire for an authentic and generous life.  Each one seem to have a relentless pursuit to live honestly with themselves and others.  The effect?  People get inspired to do the same. 

So here's my attempt today.  I don't like being weak.  I feel guilty when I take care of myself.  I am the first one to tell another to "rest; take it easy; be good to you." but will resist that same counsel when I am weak.  What's up with that?  How is that honest?  Do I have a martyr complex or something?  What drives me to be good to others and treat my own self with such contempt?  If I was my best friend, I'd be looking for a new buddy!   I would never talk to a friend the way I talk to me. 

Before I start a sloppy pity party, let me stop it here.  I know a few things to be true. 
1.  As a man thinketh, so he is.
2.  I have a choice in what I think about
3.  My behavior is the result of my thoughts

Maybe mine is more of a self-control issue.  Perhaps I need to hirer a bouncer to stand at the entrance of my brain and check some IDs.  No thought that's not true and honorable allowed to pass through. Period.

So, ready to do some heavy (mental) squats? Squat this.

You are wonderful. You are worth all the drama.  You belong.  You are freely accepted.  You are dearly loved.  You are worth fighting for, crying over, standing up for.  Your life counts. Your mistakes don't define you.  Your worth is intrinsic. You are loved unconditionally.  Nothing you can do or not do changes this.  You are enjoyable; not tolerated. You are welcomed; not sidelined.  You don't need to knock; you can fling the door right open!  Your picture deserves to be in someone's wallet or one someone's refrigerator.  You are adored, cherished, longed for.  Someone hurts when you are hurt.  Someone is happy when you are happy.  You are never ever alone. You never will be.  The welcome mat is always out for you.  The light is always left on for you.  Your company is anticipated. You bring a stir of joy wherever you are.  Even most of your jokes are funny!  You are uniquely gifted to thaw out the frozen people.  Your love is a fire for the weary and worn soul.  You are beautiful.  You were made for love; you were made for triumph, for praise.  You are full of wonder.

How was that workout?  Does it hurt so good?


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